The new BMW 7 series’ blunt shell hides a complex inner workings

*Peak Brutalist Car Design? (all photos © BMW AG)*

These days, it would seem as though hardly a month goes by without the unveiling of yet another visually challenging BMW. Now it’s the turn of none other than the Bavarians’ flagship model, the 7 Series.

By this point, it has become absolutely and inescapably clear that BMW are not interested in beauty any longer. At some point, some years ago, someone within this organisation clearly came to the conclusion that beauty stands in the way of the brand’s future and must hence be purged. He - for that this individual was a lady seems highly unlikely indeed - somehow managed to convince senior management of the merits of this approach, rendering it unspoken company policy. As a consequence, the balanced proportions, finesse and Hofmeister kink associated with BMWs of the past turned collateral damage.

Any musings on this new 7 Series must take this state of affairs into account. The overall lack of grace and downright ugliness of certain aspects must be taken for granted. Unlike the sheer size of this alleged Ultimate Ultimate Driving machine, which dwarves a Mercedes W140 and many a Rolls-Royce whose names starts with Silver. Its dimensions inevitably spell the end of the 7 series as the most athletic of luxury saloons, turning it into inherently regal a vehicle - in the sense of traditional S-class variants or, indeed, Rolls-Royces.

Its considerable size is, unsurprisingly, reflected by the car’s proportions, what with its tall lower body and massive rear end, which do as much to lend this 7 series the aura of a heavily armoured vehicle as its fierce frontal aspect. All that electronic sorcery aimed at lending almost three tonnes of BMW a certain degree of nimbleness, all those ‘performance-orientated’ specifications seem utterly at odds with as fundamentally blunt a shape. As does, incidentally, the heavy-handed duotone paint depicted in some press images, which proves that it is no mere coincidence that only fundamentally regal Rolls-Royce models can sport this look with any conviction.

Rather more significant than any of those detail aspects is the overall message of this generation of 7 series, however. Unlike in the past, when - to put it in admittedly blunt terms - a Siebener was the thickest, richest cut of the BMW sausage, this is a model that stands apart and by itself, like no Bavarian flagship saloon before. It’s a shouty statement design - with a deeply conflicting meaning hidden underneath all that noise. On the one hand, much is made of the 7 series’ environmental credentials, what with the top-spec version being fully electric and the use of ‘sustainable’ materials throughout the cabin. Yet this supposedly progressive, humane nature is imminently thwarted by the brutal, overwhelming appearance of the car. Like serving a quinoa kale bowl with a thick slice of haggis on top, it’s rather difficult to make sense of this profoundly confusing and confused message. One concrete finding would be that it acts as the most pointed representation yet of the industry establishment’s struggle to grasp the realities of a rapidly changing world.

Inside the 7 series, this confusion gives way to a single-mindedly implemented plan, however. Of all the luxury cars recently unveiled, it is this BMW that suggests a profound understanding of current societal trends. There are aforementioned symbolic nods to sustainability and, hardly surprising, a great many monitors and displays to be found all over the cabin. Even a variant on the headrest design that was included in the vast majority of show cars over the past decade makes an appearance inside a production model here. Then there is the ‘interactive’ strip of crystal across the dashboard, which isn’t dissimilar to trim included in previous Škodas (the irony!), and might mark a genuinely original attempt at evolving the touch panel into a decorative, haptically pleasing component. Whether this feature is fundamentally sound can only be ascertained through use, but as an attempt at establishing a new facet of human-machine interface, it is infinitely more inventive than the trite combination of obtrusive ambient lighting and unexpressive touch screen panels.

Another sign of the times is that this generation of 7 series’ show piece is no V12 engine, but a huge fold-out screen for the rear passengers. This isn’t solely noteworthy for the monitor-based one-upmanship (a most popular contest in the Chinese market), or even how fundamentally it underlines the BMW marque’s abandoning of its half-a-century-old definition as purveyors of ‘sheer driving pleasure'. This display, in the back of a BMW, illustrates the status of the automobile as a commodity with greater poignancy than any self-driving capabilities. The Ultimate Driving Machine has become the Ultimate Place To While Away The Hours While Being Driven.

The pedigree of the past, what with all its insignia and traditions, serves as a marketing tool. This 7 series isn’t about a drive to Baiersbronn for the weekend, maybe with the window lowered to let some Black Forrest air in and listen to the engine doing its work in most melodious a fashion. This BMW-to-be-driven-in-while-staring-at-displays-and-doing-things-online is made those 20-to-40-something-year-olds to whom life only matters through the prism of a display, who demand their reality to be served in heightened form, at any given time. The onslaught of lights, textures and features provided within the confines of this 7 series ought to keep them busy - and hence satisfied. What used to be the steering wheel - the main point of interaction with the automobile - is now officially the display.

So a complex car it turned out to be, this truly all-new BMW 7 series. Passive-aggressive on the outside, almost overwhelming with sensations on the inside. Quite the car for the year 2022 then.